Work on yourself first

So, I don't usually give relationship advice, but when I give it, I gotta make sure it is a good one. So here's one.

"Work on yourself first before you enter a relationship. Make sure you're balanced and centred so you know what you want and what you deserve. Loving yourself changes who you attract". 

The better you become, the better you'll attract. Stop wasting your time with individuals who rents really all about about you. Sop trying to force connections that aren't all there, or telling yourself that maybe the reason love isn't happening for you is because your expectations are too high. It's unrealistic to desire a partner that is attentive to your needs and wants, and who puts in the effort to not only get to know you, but keep you happy and feeling secure. Don't compromise the thins you value in a relationship for people who keep missing the mark. Your time could be much better spent. Some day someone is going to walk into your life and make you realise just why you should never settle, and they will be so bold and clear with their love that you'll never have to think twice.

Your standards set the tone for how others treat you. Don't belittle yourself by accepting behaviours that don't resonate with your life goals. You know what you want. Believe that you will get that. Most people have a fear that something great won't enter their life, so they settle and accept mediocrity. They think just because they 'wasted time' or spent years in relationships that there isn't hope for greatness.

Know that change starts with you. Send the energy signal that you deserve the best in your life by taking the right action and disconnecting from negativity or someone who doesn't value their words. Action is the greater form of respect. Let people show you who they are, not just tell you sweet words. Some people aren't ready to grow or discover themselves on a deeper level. Don't waste your time and energy on surface connections. Dive into yourself and see what kind of person you attract. Everyone in your life is a reflection of where you are. They are there to show you your current state. Don't get upset, get better and start elevating. Thank them for showing you that you deserve better. All the best to you!

The Myth of Sisyphus

In 1942 Albert Camus wrote a book called “The Myth of Sisyphus”. 

Camus describes those moments in our lives when our ideas about the world suddenly don’t work anymore, when every daily routine — going to work and back — and all our efforts seem pointless and misdirected. When one suddenly feels foreign and divorced from this world.

In these frightening moments of clarity we feel the absurdity of life.

Reason + Unreasonable World = Absurd Life

This absurd sensitivity is the result of a conflict. On the one hand we make reasonable plans for our lives, and on the other hand we are confronted with an unpredictable world which does not comply with our ideas.

So what is absurd? Being reasonable in an unreasonable world.

However, instead of denying that the world is unreasonable or abandoning reason all together, Camus suggests we should do three things:

1. Permanent revolution: We should constantly revolt against the circumstances of our existence and thus keep the absurd alive. We should never accept defeat, not even death, even though we know it can’t be avoided in the long run. Permanent rebellion is the only way to be present in the world.

2. Reject eternal freedom: Instead of enslaving ourselves to eternal models we should hold on to reason, but be aware of its limitations and apply it flexibly to the situation at hand — or put simply: we should find freedom here and now, not in eternity.

3. Passion: Most importantly we should always have a passion for life, love everything in it and try not to live as good as possible but as much as possible.

for you, and yourself.

You don't have to be with someone if you're alone. You don't need to feel as if you need to find someone new when someone has abandoned you.

People leave, and we know this already but that doesn't mean once someone is out the door then you must open it for a new lover. That's another tragedy waiting to happen. So give yourself sometime to breath a little, to live a little on your own. Give yourself some space, a tiny bit of it, and it will do some good. Give yourself time - all the seconds and all the hours of the day.Give yourself a chance, the patience you need to heal, to move on...your way, and at your own pace.

Is it hard to do? To just do it. Day in and day out. To live by it. You don't need someone to be happy. You don't need to rely on another human being to find what fuels you, you don't, really, you don't.

And yes, people are addicting, there is no lie in that. But what matters most is you... and I will say this...time and time again. People aren't meant to complete you... they aren't meant to fix you, to heal or to bring you back from some terrible doom. They are meant to guide you, to be there for you, to witness your flaws and to appreciate you for who you are...regardless of what happens in the end.

People, like years, they come and they go but it is what you have within that matters most.

And I hope you take the time you need to realise this because you don't need someone to fill the void, that is, after all, only something you can do... for yourself.

Heartbeat

This is how my heart sounded when it was afraid.

I was afraid of becoming myself.

I was afraid I couldn't nurture.

I was afraid my ambition would end.

This is how my heart sounded when I was broken.

When I was heartbroken, and I felt like I couldn't continue anymore, and I kept all the weight locked inside.

But this is how my heart sounds when I am focused.

It is beating fast because I refuse to quit

Because I am strong.

Because I am myself... and more.

This is the sound of my heart.

It is soft and hardly whispers.

When I listen, I am not afraid anymore.

When I listen, I know that I choose my own destiny.

On Arrogance

"I've learnt to recognise a certain of arrogance that sets in naturally in the behaviours of those who have been hurt; almost brutalised by their past experiences. This arrogance is a mask; a mask to cover the mutilated image that the others, the world has the opportunity to see of the sufferer and his suffering. Once the sufferer has picked up the pieces and reconstituted himself, he looks back and cowers in shame in having barred himself, and display his nakedness for everyone who gathered to watch.

He knows now that everyone watched not out of concern, not out of empathy, but out of sheer curiosity and out of the need to feel better about themselves. He has finally seen the worst in mankind; and it is in bitterness that he resorts to a shelter and emerges later with a single thought; "I see through you, I know what you are all about and I can never again be your equal. Yet you, creatures of the lower realms, have been given the opportunity to see through me and know what I was all about."

Since he will never again see them as an equal and subservience is not an option, he is left with adopting a position of superiority."

- Extract from Semi-Apes

The first step to living the life you want is leaving behind the life you don't want. Letting go of the past is your first step towards happiness. You are here for a special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your present. Learn from your regrets, but do not punish yourself with them. Live beyond your scars and focus on building the life that you truly deserve. Let today be the first day of your new life. 

I was searching my old photo album (I cannot believe my blog still kept the history of photos I posted here which I had deleted) and I found a picture of my cousin back in 2006. P

He has been one of my favourite cousin. I remembered teaching him English spelling which he scored 100% in exams and he eagerly came back to inform me with the good news. I felt so proud of him that time. He was so innocent, so cute and so charming that I also learnt a lot of lessons from this kid.

I saw his singing choir videos when he was graduating from his kindergarten school. Then, I saw him entering into his first primary school and subsequently proceed to a top notch secondary school in the state.

He excelled in his study very well which I was quite admired of his characteristic and self-discipline. I knew he will develop into a fine young man in the future.

He is 18 years old now.

And my cousin is sick.

He is in urgent of kidney transplant. But there is no suitable kidney and thus he was put on waiting list. We all know that kidney failure patients will have to undergo dialysis few times a day and hence his mobility is limited.

I felt so useless for not able to help him - the most I can do is to cheer him up. But he had gotten more quieter compared to last time.

He doesn't talk much. He doesn't express his feelings to me anymore.

I felt quite useless as a brother and cousin to him.

I will always be there for you.

Be strong, my cousin.

Recently, I had been thinking of financial plans. I am making plans on how to save money by myself (for the first time...) It just gives a me reality check that I really need to stop my habit of spending on unnecessary things. Edward is right, we should only make expenditure according to our self values and earning capacity. If you cannot afford, then don't buy. I should look beyond the habit of buying branded expensive clothing. No more these kind of habits! I'll need to constantly remind myself of that!