My Gap Year

Currently playing: Something About December - Christina Perri

2012 has been a meaningful gap year for me. Many happy and sad incidents happen and it is a year for me to take a long break to discover myself and to earn a few valuable lessons and soft skills.

• I got my driving license. Thanks to one of my friend accompanying me thru'out the process, cause' if not, I will be slacking off and giving reasons to avoid my driving test. I think it is a test which everyone must sit to drive a car on the road! As much as I have no interest in driving, I slowly realise that it's a matter of fact that we have to face. I admit I do get shaky at first on the road but I know I am learning. I just need to overcome my fear. 

• A relative of mine had passed away suddenly leaving us much in grief. There is a lesson to be learnt. The whole incident has given us a wake-up call that we should put our health as the main priority in life. Get ourselves annual body checkups because prevention is better than cure. You wouldn't know what will happen to your body the next day and in the future. We can take control in our lifestyles and changing our bad habits. Yes we CAN take control of it.

• Family matters. I am not trying to let out the skeletons from the closet because I know that every family is bound to arguments - even a tiny little bit one. We fight, we lash out  angry hurtful words with or without intentions, cold wars etc... but, we still learn to forgive each other because we are family. No matter how bad or rude we behave, we step aside, forgive and forget. It is a precious lesson I should remind to myself from time to time. They are the one who listen and pick you up when you fall deep into troubles. I should and must treat each and every of my family member with more love, care and good intentions. 

• I manage to lose some of my weight. Again, you can take control of your lifestyle I reiterate.

• I did badly in my uni entrance exams thus failing to secure a place in public university. But I am not ashamed of myself. I admit during that certain period of time, I am quite depressed and disappointed of myself. But I am grateful to mom for telling me it is okay and everything will eventually be okay. Failing in something doesn't measure or label you as failure. It is all about our thinkings, mindsets, actions and how we manifest ourselves. When we fail in one of our options, we venture into another one.

• I learn how to bake from mom! Baking is fun, seriously. Muffins are my favourites and also the chocolate moist cake with ganache.

• Entering into a digital age. Why? Because out of all sudden, my whole family members own Facebook accounts, sis bought a Samsung Note, I got a Samsung S3, mom bought an iPad and all my relatives including my parents are obsessed with a game called Slotomania. And mahjong games not to forget. It is rather surprising to see my father clicking with oohs-and-ahhs in front of the laptop screen and mom sliding here and there with her fingertip on the iPad screen at midnight. 

I think that's all. Guess I will be making new year resolutions in my next post..?

Of art versus law degree

How nice it would be if I can major law and art at the same time? It will be like having the best of both worlds. But it is something rarely going to happen.

I like drawing a lot. I remembered winning my first prize in a mini drawing contest when I was aged 7 and how joy and proud I felt getting a trophy from my art teacher. It was nothing much, just a small trophy (which is broken by now due to rusting but I still keep the pieces in a cupboard) but it was a really defining moment for me. From there, I started to cultivate creativity and passion for arts. I tend to get inspired very easily - the sound of raindrops, an elegant rhythmic gymnast, the fine wrinkle lines on a crying nanny, random fashion spread on magazines, architecture of buildings, places and people and so much more.

However, as time passed, I have come to a state of mind that art is not a choice to pursue as my first degree. I have been holding this dream for so long and as much as I want to pursue it so badly, the passion which used to burn so brightly last time is fading off. That is because part of me tells me that I should be realistic in choosing a course which will be beneficial as my first step into the vast and dynamic society.

And I think this design dreams can wait. I am not telling myself to sacrifice my design dream wholeheartedly and it will never happen because it is so hard to do so. I am just telling my dream to wait for me, to give me time so that I am fully prepared financially and mentally. I am going to put you aside in a glassed cupboard first but I will take you out and dust you occasionally because you give me hope and endless reminders why I have been holding onto you for so long. I do sometimes have vision working as a fashion intern at Burberry or designing a dream house for newly wed couple. Or maybe owning a design firm, constantly travel to unique places, meeting people and getting endless inspirations from everywhere.

I know many people keep telling me to follow my dreams, to pursue what I want and don't listen to others but myself. Many people are shocked when they know that I did not choose art as my degree and they tell me to rethink my choice again. First of all, I thank them for their concerns though sometimes I might find it a bit annoying (actually very) being asked the same questions repeatedly. If it was me few years ago, I will definitely doubt myself after being 'attacked' by them. But now, I will not. I have learnt to stand firm on my choice even if I know it is a risky one.

Let's say, if you're to be awarded either an art degree or a law degree for free, which one will you choose? You have to admit partly or a slight one piece of your mind will go for the law degree but being the ignorants ones epitomised in the society, you'll swallow your pride and opt for the other ones by saying reasons like follow your dreams, listen to yourself etc. A doctor can be a professional painter during leisure time. A successful engineer can publish cartoon books. And a lawyer can learn how to do fashion design too. It is just that no one can limit your abilities or stop you from doing something but you, yourself.

And so I have finally decided to pursue a law degree in a local college. And why law? Please don't ask me why as I have no idea and I think law chooses me instead. But there's one thing - I happened to join some community projects on autistic children and conservation efforts on nature and one big lesson I have learnt from serving the community is that it all boils down to one thing - to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Thus I feel the need to fight for a good cause. I feel the compassion to advise the weak ones as not to be bullied and manipulated by people who are more superior than us because I have seen some of it. Hence I choose to study a law degree because given the knowledge, I can use and apply it in daily life. I might and might not use the knowledge well but I know, deeply in my heart, it is going to be something beneficial, useful and worth pursuing.

Part of my instincts are telling me that the path I've chosen is going to be bumpy road with challenges and hardships. Hell yes I am scared! But come to think of it, the least thing we can do is to have enough belief in ourselves. We are young and there's so much more to venture before we settle down with small deeds. We have to realise life is no bed of roses without sweat, tears and endurance. It all about trying, trying, keep trying and never giving up. In the end the only person you can rely on is yourself so go and own it.

Humans are designed to make decisions, don't we? And we sometimes tend to be greedy and hoping to have the best of both worlds but in reality, it's not as simple as it is seemed to be. As much as we wish and opt for what is the best among the best for us, we have to decide based on a non-biased but a realistic judgement and also to listen to our inner hearts.