Recently, I had been thinking of financial plans. I am making plans on how to save money by myself (for the first time...) It just gives a me reality check that I really need to stop my habit of spending on unnecessary things. Edward is right, we should only make expenditure according to our self values and earning capacity. If you cannot afford, then don't buy. I should look beyond the habit of buying branded expensive clothing. No more these kind of habits! I'll need to constantly remind myself of that!

脆弱

This is a good song.

People come into our lives for a purpose.

Some teach us to learn the reality of the society.

Some teach us that human intentions cannot be read.

Some teach us that ego can overrule our logical thinking.

But I am just a tiny microbe of the Universe.

Can I unlearn these lessons and claim back my innocence?

If the universe is like a water, and you flow with it, you will be lead where it needed to be.

I put out a thought to the universe, asking for a direction, like a drop of water hiding in the surface.

I wanted to know where I came from.

Maybe that would be a clue to help me understand who I am.

The power of thought and prayers, I had to remind myself not to forget that.

If you can think it, believe it, and put it into word, it can happen.

Spirituality doesn't have to be so methodological.

Just like a river, there are different paths you can explore.

Flow towards that you feel drawn to.

Keep moving.

Stay curious.

Take in the moment.

There's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.

Be inspired.

Get in touch with your own beauty and your flaws.

It's the combination of the two that makes us all unique. After understanding that notion, you realise how grateful life it was.

The people. The sound. The flavours. The friendship. The family.

To experience this extraordinary gift we call life.

BPTC

Today marks the last class of my Bar course. Mixture of feelings. But gotta prep for the last 4 papers. 9 months of torture, but there are some memorable moments in between these periods. 

Despite the hardship, I had earned friendship. And I know I will definitely miss each and every of them when they embark on their new journeys in the future. Some taught me to work harder, some open my eyes to reality of the legal world, some taught to be more competent but remain humble at the same time and some taught me even more valuable lessons than I can expect. 

You see, there is no doubt the BPTC course is difficult course - and I don't even think it's enough to use "difficult" to describe one's journey in the Bar course.. It's daunting. It's a nightmare for every law student. Everyone is better than everyone, and you feel very small in this large community of barristers-to-be. Survival of the fittest applies.  

The life of a barrister student is very different as compared to a normal university or postgraduate student. We undergo consistent harsh training under unfavourable circumstances and tight schedules giving you adrenaline rush and the unbearable amount of pressure you have in every single week - yes, every single week. You are taught to be self-sustained and self-independent. You are taught to be a good team player despite you face many adversities in group work. You are taught to confront any problems without having resort to the escape route. You are taught to be fearless. You are taught to be competitive and competent in legal work. And I know despite whatever efforts you put into this, there will always be a result. It will change you definitely - mentally and physically. 

I am thankful I have a bunch of supportive friends around me - you know who you are. They consistently told me to not worry, not panic, not stressed and to overcome adversity. Because we share the same journey and the same vision. Everyone hopes for everyone to pass. I am thankful that they acknowledge my presence in their eyes and they treat me as a BPTC peer. Thank you guys.  

Thank you, BPTC. 

And... 4 more papers! 

Plans

We makes plans. And future plans scare me. Because I don't know where to start and how to start. It feels like another phase of life is bound to unfold whereby you still has not complete your current chapter of stories. 

Future plans - careers, education, relationship and financial circumstances.  What do you want to achieve? What is your vision? It makes me anxious how a decision can change one's life. 

You know, sometimes you wish someone will tell you that 'I am so proud of you. You have been so strong all this while and that's why I am so proud of you' rather telling you that you have a weak heart and that you need be stronger than before.

I realise that, in overcoming adversity, you are dealing it with your own self and that nobody is going to be able to comprehend the extent and value of your hardship. The most they can do is to listen to you and offer the their very best advice to you. But at the end of the day, you still have to deal with the issue and struggle by your own self. It's a battle within oneself.

Nobody owns you a responsibility to offer his help and to pick you up when you fall down. You have to get back up and walk the walk.

It's a struggle. It's a fight. And it's a contemplation.

Be strong? It's just an elusive concept made by people to comfort themselves telling them 'it's okay' - but in reality it's not.

Page 1 of 366

Time to jot down some thoughts as the year end is approaching. 

1. I had achieved a lot of things in 2015. 2015 is the most eventful life I had so far. 

2. I earned my law degree in 2015. All my efforts had finally paid off. Although my parents are not there to see my graduation, I completely understand where they are coming from. Well, I still had a bunch of friends that are very supportive in the course of my studies here in UK. 

3. I made my first EU trip to France and Italy. Travelling has always been everyone's passion. You pack your bag and went with a few friends to go backpack in a foreign place. You get to see people, places, the different colours of the sky, their landmark buildings, creating memories, laughters and fighting in the trip, all of which you will remember until the end of your life. That's the beauty of travelling.

4. I learned to cook. 

5. I want to say, one of the very beautiful moments I had in Reading, Berkshire is during the time when I get to cycle with my friends during Spring. I felt that I was living in a paradise as we were cycling into the woods -  like the one you see in the movies! The birds chirping, the rustling of the leaves and the beauty of nature, I could not describe anymore but beautiful. Reading is always a special place for me =') 

6. I had made a very memorable spontaneous one-day trip to Cambridge. My friend, Dianne, suggested that we go punting. And this had made me realise, sometimes we have to do stuffs that we are afraid of, because they give you so much more contentment and happiness. 

7. 2015 is also a year of tears. I embark my journey on the Barrister course - a course where budding lawyers need to take to become a qualified lawyer. I cannot use any words to describe it but stress and, stress. The amount of reading to be done just for one since tutorial is so overwhelming. When I got back home from school at 6 pm, my heart felt heavy and my mind was tired. And then, you had to start working again to prep for the next day's work. Sometimes, and I am not exaggerating, I tend to forget to have my dinner because all I want is to sleep right after I got back home late evening. 

8. I never cry because of studies, because no matter how stressed I am, I train myself to level up my thinking to manage my stress confidently. I choose to talk about it with someone who is undergoing the same hardship as me, but I never cry. But this Bar course got me crying everytime I called back home. 

9. Mom was telling me whether I want to quit and go back home now. NOW? Biggest 'Yes' I can give in my whole life! But then again, taking into account of the time and money invested in my decision to take up the Bar course, is it worth to let go everything now? The thought of it always got me back on track, to study no matter how hard it is. 

10. I dont intend to practice too even when I was called into Bar. At least for now, thats' my thought. I always want to study art related stuffs, but due to family and economic pressure, I can't do it. I am not unhappy, because I know everything happens for a reason. I will just need to work hard a bit and to achieve my designing dreams. 

11. I moved to London in September 2015. But I could not enjoy London because of my studies and obligations, which I feel kinda sad about it... 

12. I miss my family, my home, my bed and my Reading mates. 

13. But I also make some new friends here in the Bar course. I realise it's amazing how's one passion in law can drive him/her to study despite the amount of pressure one can bear in the Bar course. Doing the thing you like in life is what matters the most right? ... ... ... ... but, I think I am doing the stuffs which are not my passion for now. I think I am doing it just for the sake of qualifications. 

14. I do think when the year end is approaching, my life is kinda in a mess. But I tell myself to look on the bright side, to look on the positivity and to find beauty in everything. It's okay to cry or to feel weak but I just need to keep learning more and discover more on life. Be happy. 

15. But at least for now, I know I am still breathing. I am still healthy. I still have my family from across the sea. I still have my friends. It is all that matters, for now. 

Chubby face I know. But I am not FAT! This is the best pic I can find from my Apple album.  Maybe one of my new resolution in 2016 is how to slim down my baby face.... Joking. Happy New Year to you and me.