My Gap Year

Currently playing: Something About December - Christina Perri

2012 has been a meaningful gap year for me. Many happy and sad incidents happen and it is a year for me to take a long break to discover myself and to earn a few valuable lessons and soft skills.

• I got my driving license. Thanks to one of my friend accompanying me thru'out the process, cause' if not, I will be slacking off and giving reasons to avoid my driving test. I think it is a test which everyone must sit to drive a car on the road! As much as I have no interest in driving, I slowly realise that it's a matter of fact that we have to face. I admit I do get shaky at first on the road but I know I am learning. I just need to overcome my fear. 

• A relative of mine had passed away suddenly leaving us much in grief. There is a lesson to be learnt. The whole incident has given us a wake-up call that we should put our health as the main priority in life. Get ourselves annual body checkups because prevention is better than cure. You wouldn't know what will happen to your body the next day and in the future. We can take control in our lifestyles and changing our bad habits. Yes we CAN take control of it.

• Family matters. I am not trying to let out the skeletons from the closet because I know that every family is bound to arguments - even a tiny little bit one. We fight, we lash out  angry hurtful words with or without intentions, cold wars etc... but, we still learn to forgive each other because we are family. No matter how bad or rude we behave, we step aside, forgive and forget. It is a precious lesson I should remind to myself from time to time. They are the one who listen and pick you up when you fall deep into troubles. I should and must treat each and every of my family member with more love, care and good intentions. 

• I manage to lose some of my weight. Again, you can take control of your lifestyle I reiterate.

• I did badly in my uni entrance exams thus failing to secure a place in public university. But I am not ashamed of myself. I admit during that certain period of time, I am quite depressed and disappointed of myself. But I am grateful to mom for telling me it is okay and everything will eventually be okay. Failing in something doesn't measure or label you as failure. It is all about our thinkings, mindsets, actions and how we manifest ourselves. When we fail in one of our options, we venture into another one.

• I learn how to bake from mom! Baking is fun, seriously. Muffins are my favourites and also the chocolate moist cake with ganache.

• Entering into a digital age. Why? Because out of all sudden, my whole family members own Facebook accounts, sis bought a Samsung Note, I got a Samsung S3, mom bought an iPad and all my relatives including my parents are obsessed with a game called Slotomania. And mahjong games not to forget. It is rather surprising to see my father clicking with oohs-and-ahhs in front of the laptop screen and mom sliding here and there with her fingertip on the iPad screen at midnight. 

I think that's all. Guess I will be making new year resolutions in my next post..?

Of art versus law degree

How nice it would be if I can major law and art at the same time? It will be like having the best of both worlds. But it is something rarely going to happen.

I like drawing a lot. I remembered winning my first prize in a mini drawing contest when I was aged 7 and how joy and proud I felt getting a trophy from my art teacher. It was nothing much, just a small trophy (which is broken by now due to rusting but I still keep the pieces in a cupboard) but it was a really defining moment for me. From there, I started to cultivate creativity and passion for arts. I tend to get inspired very easily - the sound of raindrops, an elegant rhythmic gymnast, the fine wrinkle lines on a crying nanny, random fashion spread on magazines, architecture of buildings, places and people and so much more.

However, as time passed, I have come to a state of mind that art is not a choice to pursue as my first degree. I have been holding this dream for so long and as much as I want to pursue it so badly, the passion which used to burn so brightly last time is fading off. That is because part of me tells me that I should be realistic in choosing a course which will be beneficial as my first step into the vast and dynamic society.

And I think this design dreams can wait. I am not telling myself to sacrifice my design dream wholeheartedly and it will never happen because it is so hard to do so. I am just telling my dream to wait for me, to give me time so that I am fully prepared financially and mentally. I am going to put you aside in a glassed cupboard first but I will take you out and dust you occasionally because you give me hope and endless reminders why I have been holding onto you for so long. I do sometimes have vision working as a fashion intern at Burberry or designing a dream house for newly wed couple. Or maybe owning a design firm, constantly travel to unique places, meeting people and getting endless inspirations from everywhere.

I know many people keep telling me to follow my dreams, to pursue what I want and don't listen to others but myself. Many people are shocked when they know that I did not choose art as my degree and they tell me to rethink my choice again. First of all, I thank them for their concerns though sometimes I might find it a bit annoying (actually very) being asked the same questions repeatedly. If it was me few years ago, I will definitely doubt myself after being 'attacked' by them. But now, I will not. I have learnt to stand firm on my choice even if I know it is a risky one.

Let's say, if you're to be awarded either an art degree or a law degree for free, which one will you choose? You have to admit partly or a slight one piece of your mind will go for the law degree but being the ignorants ones epitomised in the society, you'll swallow your pride and opt for the other ones by saying reasons like follow your dreams, listen to yourself etc. A doctor can be a professional painter during leisure time. A successful engineer can publish cartoon books. And a lawyer can learn how to do fashion design too. It is just that no one can limit your abilities or stop you from doing something but you, yourself.

And so I have finally decided to pursue a law degree in a local college. And why law? Please don't ask me why as I have no idea and I think law chooses me instead. But there's one thing - I happened to join some community projects on autistic children and conservation efforts on nature and one big lesson I have learnt from serving the community is that it all boils down to one thing - to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Thus I feel the need to fight for a good cause. I feel the compassion to advise the weak ones as not to be bullied and manipulated by people who are more superior than us because I have seen some of it. Hence I choose to study a law degree because given the knowledge, I can use and apply it in daily life. I might and might not use the knowledge well but I know, deeply in my heart, it is going to be something beneficial, useful and worth pursuing.

Part of my instincts are telling me that the path I've chosen is going to be bumpy road with challenges and hardships. Hell yes I am scared! But come to think of it, the least thing we can do is to have enough belief in ourselves. We are young and there's so much more to venture before we settle down with small deeds. We have to realise life is no bed of roses without sweat, tears and endurance. It all about trying, trying, keep trying and never giving up. In the end the only person you can rely on is yourself so go and own it.

Humans are designed to make decisions, don't we? And we sometimes tend to be greedy and hoping to have the best of both worlds but in reality, it's not as simple as it is seemed to be. As much as we wish and opt for what is the best among the best for us, we have to decide based on a non-biased but a realistic judgement and also to listen to our inner hearts.

Words for teenagers

Current playing: Another love - Tom Odell

So I have found another piece of words that is worth reading. I hope to share it with everyone and hopefully able to inspire at least a person.

Northland College principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth. " Always we hear the cry from teenagers, what can we do, where can we go?"

"My answer is this: Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons and after you've finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities an your parents do not owe you fun.

"The world does not owe you living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in sickness and lonely again. In other words, grow up, stop being a crybaby, get out of your fantasy dream world and develop a backbone not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It's too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you!"

Blessings to you. =)

Blushing easily

I don't know why but I blush easily. I blush when the weather's hot and feeling shy or uneasy. My face will literally turn red upon speaking with strangers and I can feel the heat running in my face.

Yeah, I might appear to be outspoken but I still feel kinda shy and vulnerable when interacting with people. I don't know people will view it as an embarrassment or amused by it but I, in person, feel that such situation put me into an awkward situation. Laughing too hard, for example, makes my face red in the middle of a conversation and I try to act like nothing happened then I will take some time to cool down.

One of the reason I think, comes from my self - confident. I guess I am too focus on how the surrounding people will think of me like the way I act and speak. Well, I think I need to work on this issue and not to care too much on how people think of me. Besides, I have done nothing wrong in my life nor murder anyone! My friend keeps telling to have more faith in myself and indeed I need all the faith and confident I can have! I really like meeting new people but this issue sometimes prevent me from doing so. I hope I will not blush or try to blush less when meeting with them.

I really hope other people will understand such situation on this easy-to-blush issue. It is rather hurtful to see people laughing other for blushing.

However, I have read an article regarding person who blush easily are more trustworthy, virtuous and generous than those who don't. So come and befriend with us as we are make romantic partners and can be trusted! We will shower you with lots of love! Okay, I kid haha.

On Travel

Traveling is fun and always has been a dream of mine to travel somewhere. I mean I can just pack my belongings and travel right away, right now, with my leftover money. There is a common term to describe it and let me see....ah it's called backpack!  It is the time for us to learn to be independent and just venture outside and see what the world can offer you!

One place I will visit for sure is London of course! Not because of fish and chips, I just could not find any better reasons to visit this concrete jungle as I am fascinated with London's Eye, Buckingham Palace, art museums, the famous bridge, the guard with a tall hat (don't know what's that called), the telephone booth, the double decker bus and of course, the British accent. =)

 The Big Ben behind. Wondering how it got its name?

I am not challenging person but I constantly like trying new things. I will see. I will wait. I will long for that day to come. It will always be a dream to be fulfilled.

Bad day ahead

Looking at people around me, it seems like everyone has been moving on with their own lives. My old school friends (primary and secondary) in which I befriended through social networking webs, are already pursuing their goals and dreams in a pace of time. I am still stuck here because I have really no idea what I want to do in future, seriously.

At some point, I start to think of myself being abnormal and ridiculously useless as in like my life has already come to an end, a full-stop, and about to dig a hole, cover myself with mud and rot peacefully in my own grave. The thing is, I'm afraid of making decisions as I fear the ramifications of my act will result an even more painful and meaningless mistake. To add salt to the wound, I just got to know that my uni appeal got rejected. Now I practically feel worst.

*deep breath*

Nevertheless, I will always try to stay positive and look on the brighter side. I always try to tell myself to remain calm and composed at hard times, in which I have been struggling and still learning to do so. Take it as a test and there are still many, many tests ahead you. Guess I will just sulk at the corner of the room for a while and I'll recollect myself again.

How nice if only Doraemon is here? I think I'm going crazy.

Our imperfections

I believe that everything happens for a reason. 

People change so that you can learn to let go. 

Things go wrong so that you will appreciate them when they're right.

And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

10 Things You Must Give Up To Move Forward

This article came on top of my FB recent post so I decided to post it here because I find it should be something that I have to hold on and remember in my life.

10 Things You Must Give Up To Move Forward

Letting the opinions of others control your life.

• It is not what others think, it is what you think bout yourself that counts.
• You have to do exactly what is best for you and your life not what is best for everyone else.

The shame of past failures.

•  Your past does not equal your future. 
• All that matters is what you do right now.

Being indecisive about what you want.

•  You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be.
• Make a decision to figure out what you want, and then pursue it passionately.

Procrastinating on the goals that matter to you.

• There are two primary choices in life: to accept the conditions they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
• The best to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.

Choosing to do nothing.

• You don't get to choose how are you going to die, or when. 
• You can only decide how you are going to live, right now.
• Everyday is a new chance to choose.

You need to be right.

• Aim for success, but never give up your right to be wrong.
• Because when you do, you will also lose your ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. 

Running from problems that should be fixed. 

• Stop running!
• Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it. 

Making excuses rather than decisions.

• Most long-term failures are the outcome of people who make excuses instead of decisions.  

Overlooking the positive points in your life.

• What you see often depends entirely on what you are looking for
• You will have a hard time ever being happy if you are not thankful for the good things in your life right now

Not appreciating the present moment

•  Too often we try to accomplish something big without realizing that the greatest part of life is made up of the little things.

Korea-Jeong Restaurant, Warisan Square

During our trip to KK, we went to dine at a korean restaurant in Warisan Square. It was actually a pretty random choice as there were so many food outlet to choose from but my sister and I finally decided to settle down with korean food.

And guess what, this is the first time I felt so much hospitality by that ahjumma and ahjushi who owns that restaurant. It was really an eye opening for us as they were so polite that at some point, I felt so wronged.

We ordered samgyeopsal. That's the most important thing. LOL. The kind ahjumma taught us the correct ways to wrap the grilled meat with the side dishes provided and I tell you, it was yummmmmyy!

 *sizzling sound*

 Done!

You wrap the meat with sangchu-ssam (lettuce), add with a slice of garlic dipped with gochujang (soybean paste) and aged kimchi. Fold it properly and stuff it into your mouth.

We ordered a bottle of soju (kinda expensive, RM 24, pfft). I have a low tolerance of alcohol so I don't really drink much of that and the taste is a bit sweet with a dash of mint flavour. You better watch out when drinking soju for the first time because it contains almost 19.5 % of alcohol or else, you will be like hooligan.

Samgyetang which means ginseng chicken soup. There are some glutinous rice stuffed inside the chicken.

And this, THIS...is my all time favourite korean dish, dolsot bibimbap !! I did not manage to take the actual pic of the rice as I was watching ahjumma mixing the rice well with ssamjang and sesame oil. So the pic above is the well mixed rice with slices of carrots and many many kind of sliced veges!

Then, ahjumma was kind enough to serve us hand made mochi as desserts for free! There was a mini chat session with ahjumma, practically she shared with us her past stories and how she landed onto the land below wind. She even joked about drinking soju excessively when she argues with her husband. *looks at ahjushi* 

PS: In case you may wonder, no, we don't converse in Korean language. Ahjumma of that restaurant speaks English fluently. 

Weird dream

Currently playing: Bad - Tablo ft. Jinsil

I had a weird and awkward dream thatI got kissed by a guy at my cheek. The problem is I don't even recognise his face because it was so blur and dreamy that time. I was kinda shocked. A big relief realising it is just a dream.

So... what's the feeling of being kissed huh?

*smacks head*

Here's a picture of myself. The time when my hair is so long that I figure out a way to tie it up.

Tony Moly Egg Pore Series

Currently playin' - EXO-M's History

The three little cutie eggs are one of the famous product by Tony Moly. Mom bought it a while ago so I decided to take a picture of it. It says after you finished using the product, you can take out the cover and plant a seedling on it. Kinda cute.

Korean Food in SDK

I assume if you are a Sandakanian, you should know the one and only Korean restaurant, Seoul Garden, is located at downtown of the city. So I guess I won't elaborate more on that and let the pictures strut their stuffs! =)

First off, we are served with these variety dishes as an appetizer. It has been years since I put kimchi into mah mouth. *nomnomnom*

Mah' favourite - bibimbap! You got to mix it well with the red pepper paste served by them.

This one looks like a chinese dish.

I forget to take a pic of samgyeopsal which literally means ' grilled meat'but I gotta said it was good - with a dash of guilty. 

Recently, I am having a 'hangul fever' as I am still learning the 24 hangul characters. I guess learning takes time. I cannot wait for a change in my life though because I am still waiting for that day to come and I pray for it to come faster.
 

EXO K MAMA 1st Mini Album

Recently, SM Town debuted a group called EXO. After looking at their several teasers at youtube, I couldn't help but to order their mini album through an online store.

After dying  and waiting several days, the mini album has finally arrived!

*Grabs, rushes upstairs, removes the packaging*

And here it is, comes with a tube containing the poster. The packaging is quite creative because if you look closer at the album packaging, there are patterns of pentagons and you can feel the 'texture' on the album packaging.

 The photobook.

Note: EXO consist of 12 members and divided into two sub groups namely EXO-K and EXO-M. EXO-K will mainly promote in Korea whereby EXO-M will promote in China. Both groups have the same album, song lists released at the same time but with different languages only.

Bread Story

Currently playing: Merry Chirstmas Mr. Lawrence - FYI by Utada Hikaru

 

Mom baked this whole wheat seed bread and it's super tasty even without peanut butter!

Inner Thoughts

Now playing: Smooth Criminal - Glee 

There are many thoughts going through my mind right now. I feel a bit depressed and regret for I have neither done many wonderful things nor achieve anything throughout my past years. It feels like some decisions I made are wrong. If I can rewind back time to 4 years ago, I would have...

• Take up music lessons - violin, piano, guitar etc.
• Give more attention to my peers and surroundings
  
• Study a bit hard
• Perform in school (coz' all I've done is giving crappy speech/announcements) 
• Enter commerce stream class instead of science stream  class
  
• Withdraw from Prefects Committee Members
• Enter National Service
• On diet *blushed*
  
• Withdraw myself from Sixth Form (or enter commerce stream instead science)
• Give more love

It feels like I have missed a lot of chances to do stuffs that really matters in life. Did I regret? Part of me say yes, however, part of me say no. It feels like everything happens for a reason when I look back my past actions. I still feel like myself clinging to the high-school me, not the current me. I really hope I can make a big change this year.

I was watching Glee just now when suddenly one of the character's dialogues give me an aha-moment. Quinn was giving advice to Rachel which sounded like that - You can't change your past. But you can let go and start your future. I did stop and ponder a while at that moment...

This afternoon, I decided to take out my watercolours set and drew a leaf. It seems like my drawing skills have downgraded a lot...

 I mixed green with pale yellow to get light green washy-foamy effect first.

Then, I started to add a darker green near the midrib to give a so-called freshly-plucked-leaf-effect look.

Lastly, I add a slightly black colour to give a darkening effect. Voila! But I did spoiled the look when I tried to highlight the midrib with white outline cause's my hands was literally shaking.

Talent

I think that talents are very important. Growing up until now, I think I am kinda 'talentless'. Looking at people younger than me who perform on stage, I am in awe, at the same time, green with envy too. Drawing, singing, dancing, playing instrumentals and etc, I wish to master one of them one day.

I remember when I was 12 years old, I pleaded mom to allow me to enter art class but for no reason, she forbid me to do so. So again, I pleaded her to let me join art class at 15 years old but all my efforts were to no avail. At 16, I decided to try again but to apply for music lessons but then again, it was a big no.

Then again, at my 20 years old of my age, I decided I want to take up violin lessons but then I already realised... that I am too old to do so. Talents are to be nurtured at a very young age but I am already 20 years old this year. I feel kinda regret for not holding my will strong. I feel horrible growing up with no talents. All I can do throughout my student life was to keep studying and pursuing education. I can only dream to be one but never able to be one.

If you have talents or want to pursue something, do not limit yourself by saying no or feeling unsure or insecure. Do what you want to do, grab the chance which comes knocking at your door and don't wait.

20 years old of age, how time flies.

I got my P license!!

Not to be exact, but they will send the license to my house in a few more days. Anyhow, I manage to pass the car driving test successfully. What a great relief because I hope not to spend another sum of money to resit the test. *laughs*

I was given No. 2 and another friend of mine, Jane was given No. 7. Weird case scenario was for both tests, they didn't call the No.1 candidate to test but instead they called me first. I guess I didn't need to wait for long because the more I wait, the more nervous I am. xD

I think at 1040 something, I finished both tests and my score is 19/20 for the road test. I was deducted one mark for not checking the front rear mirror but in FACT, I did check it already once I got into the car! Probably the strict invigilator did not notice me at all. (T.T) Hence, when I saw there was a big cross on my evaluation sheet, my heart just sank before I even start my car engine. Nevertheless, as long as I pass the road test and it will be fine. While on the road, I was maintaining the speed of 40 km/h and I think the invigilator got a bit frustrated. He told me to speed up a bit.

Next, it was Jane. I told her everything's fine and indeed, like a boss, she went into the car steadily. LOL. After calling mom, I was waiting and kept waiting. I also prayed for Jane to pass the test so that we can celebrate the joyous moment together. In fact, she did pass! Praise the Lord!

What a day! Daebak! =)

Good to be back.

It's been two years already since I have 'that' passion of taking Law for my degree. But there are so many obstacles and stuffs playing in my mind right now. They always say do what you feel like to do. The thing is I don't even know why myself have a interest in becoming a lawyer. I don't see myself as a lawyer too, in fact, I have never think of taking law in my whole life before.

It's a huge responsibility once you've made a decision. Perhaps it's a matter of pride since I always want to make my family proud esp mom. Or perhaps I like it because it has zero science knowledge in it and less calculations needed. Every time I think of the 'law word, it makes my heart feel heavy but still, I have that urge in taking it. I'm curious in why people wanted to become lawyer?

On the other note, I have been focusing  in getting my driving license - P license to be exact. At first, I am freaking out myself when I am driving a Kancil car for the first time because I don't know what to expect. And I hardly understand what the Malay coach is trying to say because he speaks very, very fast with thick Malay accent. So I have to use my sixth sense to figure out what to do on the road. Ottoke ~!!

God bless me in getting my P license successfully, peacefully, safely and soundly. *fingers crossed* =)